The One That Got Away
by blaineanderbation
Summary: Short one-shot based on the Katy Perry song. Angsty. Warning: Character Death


I found Katy Perry's music video to the song The One That Got Away and wrote this while listening to this on repeat. It's short and I basically needed to get my emotions out and tears alone didn't help.

honorarygirl on tumblr - if you want more klaine drabbles, that's me.

this was written in roughly fifteen minutes and I didn't bother to read it over and I'm honestly kind of afraid to, because I know I'll regret writing it all and try and delete it. well, no.

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><p>Rough fingers thrum over a guitar. Blaine takes the pencil out of his mouth and quickly scribbles something onto the paper closest to him.<p>

A bunch of papers surround him in a circle along with pencils crossed out notes, post-its and scrunched-up paper, like a solar system with him as the sun. The room is small and dingy and dimly-lit, and the man's curls are getting into his face now, his glasses askew and bags under his eyes.

The door opens with a slam and Kurt is there, keeping his temper in but Blaine has stayed with him for far too long to know he can't hold it in very well. It would be a vain attempt to hide the bottle near him now, Kurt's eyes zero in on it, and Blaine can see the colors shifting in his eyes, the blue brightening until it pushes the green and gray out as tears- not tears of sadness, oh no, it's been a long time since Blaine has seen those- but rage.

"When's the last time you went to class, Blaine?" Kurt's voice is barely level, the effort seems to be straining him. Kurt knows the answer; can see it in Blaine's torn shirt and worn-out sweat pants, but he wants to hear the answer from Blaine, trying to push some feeling out of him.

Blaine looks up, and the alcohol makes anger that shouldn't be there go through him. The sane part of him that is slipping away through his fingers like water is telling him to _not do this, Kurt only cares, don't don't don't-_

"When's the last time you fucking _lived,_ Kurt! I'm so sick of your fucking perfectionism! We're supposed to be artist! Who gives a damn?"

"I do, Blaine! I've had enough of this, the drinking and stupidity as if you're forced to live a life of misery and this is your only outlet-"

"You don't know what I go through! You don't know anything!" The accusations hit Kurt like a punch in the gut and his expression softens and he's willing to give Blaine another chance, try to get him to start classes again and get out of the damn room-

But then Blaine is snatching up a few of the papers on the floor and sticking a pencil into his messy curls, and Kurt realizes what he's doing when Blaine picks up the guitar case along with his ratty jacket.

"Blaine Anderson, don't you-"

But the door is slamming and Kurt is left with a piece of hair astray on his forehead from the wind Blaine pushed out of the door and then Kurt hears the car engine revving and Blaine is gone, gone, and Kurt sits down near the papers but they have lost their magic now, the sun of the solar system is gone and the color feels leeched out of the world, everything in shades of gray and black and white. Kurt doesn't care that his dress shirt and slacks are getting ruined sitting on the dirty floor and crumpling up, is blinded from the tears rolling down his face.

What happened to them? The last time they were happy…

_"Carole, stop fussing. I'll be fine, I promise." Kurt smiles radiantly as a few tears escape Carole's eyes and she squeezes Kurt in a hug, and for once Kurt does not care about the creases in his shirt. Burt comes up and there are no words, but years spent together flash before his eyes and it's as if Kurt is seeing them too and then they're hugging and Kurt holds on tight, because he'd never feel unsafe out of his father's arms. Then Finn is there and after an awkward "I'll miss ya, dude", Kurt is lifted off his feet in a giant bear hug and has to remind Finn not to choke him. Blaine is there too, but his parents unable to make it do to an emergency meeting. Kurt knows Blaine is hurting but he puts on a brave face, assuring Burt he'll take good care of Kurt and make sure they both attend their classes on time._

The irony of it, now.

_The apartment is ratty and Kurt would've been disgusted by it, but he was with Blaine and the future was bright and nothing could get between them._

That was, until Blaine and Kurt went drinking for once and Kurt found Blaine still drinking the next day, and the week after, until he stopped leaving the house save for more alcohol.

Kurt sobs himself to sleep in Blaine's mockery of a studio.

Blaine's sight is blurry and when he opens the glove compartment for his beer, falls out a picture of him and Kurt smiling brightly into the camera, their first day in college, naïve and so stupid for believing everything would go right.

But then, he didn't notice the huge rocks in front of him, and when he swerved, he didn't notice that all there was to his left a rickety fence, which the car went straight through and Blaine's last frantic thought before the fetal bump was god, I love you Kurt, I'm so-

Kurt only finds out a day later when there's a knock at the door and a "Sir, remain calm, do you know this man?" and then Kurt blacks out when he sees the pity in the man's eyes.

Years down the road, as Kurt sobs into a pillow with Dave downstairs working late, he picks up his keys and goes to the one place he never thought he could go see. He goes alone, doesn't want Dave there, as if after all these years, it'd be cheating on him.

The fence has been fixed and the car is gone, the ruined flowers have grown back in. There is no indication that someone had lost a life here, but Kurt holds onto the fence as if it were a lifeline, as if Blaine would appear and hold his hand and they would graduate college together, adopt kids.

But Blaine was the one that got away, and Kurt will never stop blaming himself.

He could've stopped him from driving drunk. No matter what anyone tells him, Kurt blames himself.

And no matter how fine he tells everyone he is, there will always be the aching hole in his heart like a physical pain for Blaine, who wasn't there anymore, who'd never be there again, ever.

Kurt doesn't know how long he stands there, watching the sun set and sits, then watches it rise again, all the while thinking of regrets, of silly ones to big ones, like how they never got properly engaged though they were planning it in secret, of how the last time they did a duet before Blaine passed was in high school, of how Blaine had never graduated, of how the cruel world had dimmed even the brightest of stars, the ones with the strongest wills to live.

He simply sat and thought about the unfairness of it all, the thoughts unhelpful but better than nothing, as if by thinking them maybe Blaine would forgive him, because it was his fault, after all.


End file.
